Pyro's Motorcycle
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Ever wonder why Pyro didn't have a motorcycle in the series? Then let the curiosity end and the madness begin...


**Note: This takes place sometime before "Day of Reckoning".**

**Hello! This was my very first idea for a story. Ever notice that Pyro never had a motorcycle in the series? Sabertooth had one, Piotr had one, Remy had one, but not Pyro. Why not? Well...**

**

* * *

****Pyro's Motorcycle**

"You're gonna die this time Cajun!" Sabertooth roared.

"Look nothing happened. I just went to Hollywood Video to get some movies for us to watch," Remy said.

"You took my bike! Nobody takes my bike!"

"Hey, you're the one complaining there's never anything on T.V. so back off!"

"After I'm finished you won't have a back!" Sabertooth pounced but Remy moved away at the last second.

"Fine, you wanna play furball?" Remy grabbed three cards and charged them.

"What is going on here?" Magneto demanded as he entered the room.

"I've warned the Cajun about taking my bike," Sabertooth growled.

"How else am I supposed to go anywhere? You're the only one who has a bike," Remy protested.

"You're not supposed to go anywhere Gambit," Magneto glared.

"You said we could spend more time outside the base after you polished off two bottles of aspirin during the zucchini and unicycle incident," Remy said.

"Right, I did," Magneto groaned.

"Why don't you try walking you lazy bum," Sabertooth taunted.

"Why don't you drop dead furball," Remy shot back.

"ROAR!" Sabertooth lunged but was restrained by a metal bar coming off the wall and hitting him in his chest. "Ooff."

"Restrain yourself Victor," Magneto ordered his subordinate.

"Hey, what'cha all doing?" Pyro asked as he and Piotr entered the room.

"There's an easy solution Mags, get us our own bikes." Remy explained.

"A motorbike?" Pyro's eyebrows shot up. "Ooh! Yeah, I wanna bike! I wanna bike!"

"I used to have a motorcycle," Piotr said. "I would like to have one again."

"Yeah, sure. Anything as long as they stop taking mine," Sabertooth discarded the bar and shot Remy a look.

"Uhh…" Magneto hesitated.

"Please?" the Acolytes begged.

"Fine," Magneto gave in.

"Yes!" Remy and Pyro high fived.

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret this?" Magneto moaned.

* * *

"Alright, here are three new motorcycles. Choose who's is who's," Magneto instructed as the Acolytes gathered in the garage the next day.

"How did you get 'em so fast?" Remy asked. "And why is the price tag on this in yen?"

"I…acquired them last night," Magneto replied.

"This one's mine!" Pyro declared as he stared at a bike with several flames painted on it.

"I will take this one," Piotr said inspecting a sleek black bike.

Remy examined the last bike. "She's a gem," he declared. "And she's mine."

"I'm surprised you're all satisfied," Magneto said, relieved. "I thought for sure there was going to be some sort of problem."

"All right!" Pyro finished staring at his bike. "So, who's gonna teach me how to ride?"

"I should have known," Magneto groaned.

"The firebug doesn't know how to ride!" Sabertooth chuckled. "What a hoot!"

"Well?" Pyro prompted.

"I just remembered I have to fill out some legal forms," Magneto said, leaving the room.

"Since when do you do anything legal?" Sabertooth quipped.

"One of you just teach Pyro how to ride without killing anyone!" Magneto shouted.

The Acolytes looked at one another. "Rock, paper, scissors?" suggested Piotr.

"Odd one out," Remy replied, making a fist.

"Rock, paper, scissors."

"Aw, man," Remy groaned as he showed paper while Piotr and Sabertooth showed rock.

"Yay! So Gambit, what do I do first?" Pyro asked, slipping on a helmet.

"I know what I'm gonna do," Sabertooth chuckled. "Get the video camera."

"Alright Pyro. First, put up the kickstand and get on the bike," Remy instructed.

"Right," Pyro replied as he mounted his bike. Then promptly fell over, bike and all.

"Oh boy," Remy moaned.

"Wait, I'll try again." Pyro picked himself up and tried mounting, only to fall once more. And again. And again. And again…

"Aagghh! Why won't you stay up?" Pyro yelled at his bike as he picked himself up for the fifth time.

"I can't stand it," Remy moaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Alright, I'll hold up the bike while you mount it," he instructed, moving behind the bike and grabbing the frame over the rear tire with both hands.

Pyro successfully mounted this time. "Yes!"

"Now, push on the break, turn the key, and rotate your wrist."

"Yeah!" Pyro cried, starting the engine.

"Great," Remy started to remove his hands but to his horror found they wouldn't move. "Wait, my gloves are stuck!"

"Let's go!" Pyro revved the engine and released the brake.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy screamed as the bike sped off, leaving skid marks and towing Remy behind it.

"This is hilarious!" Sabertooth roared, holding the camera to his eye.

"We must go after them," Piotr said.

"Yeah, right," Sabertooth scoffed.

"But Remy is in trouble," Piotr protested.

"Big deal."

"Pyro will cause much damage."

"So what?"

"You'll get their actions on tape."

"Let's go!"

* * *

"PYRO STOP THE BIKE!" Remy yelled, hanging on for dear life. Fortunately Remy was not being dragged on the ground but was being towed in the air behind the bike. Unfortunately, the speed necessary to allow this was a testament to how fast Pyro was going.

"YEEHAAA!" Pyro sped down the street. "Hey Gambit, I didn't know you could ride on a motorcycle like that."

"Neither did I and I wish I never found out!" Remy muttered. "Look out for the trash cans!"

"Relax mate, I missed them by a mile."

CRASH!

"Oops. Didn't see that newspaper dispenser."

CRASH!

"Or that one."

CRASH! CRASH!

"Or those, but there were only two."

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

"Alright, six."

CRASH!

"DO YOU HATE NEWSPAPER DISPENSERS? IS THAT IT? DO YOU JUST **HATE** NEWSPAPER DISPENSERS?"

"Alright, hey get outta my way!" Pyro tore down middle of the street, causing several cars to veer off the road.

"Pyro you're supposed to be in a lane, not on the center line! Get in a lane! No, the other lane! AAAHHHHH!"

"O that's not a very nice thing to say," Pyro remarked of the drivers he were passing and causing to crash into each other as he sped down the street. "And that's not necessary either."

"I'm gonna kill him," Remy swore. "Some how, some way I'm gonna kill him!"

"Sharp turn!" Pyro cried as he swung left.

"IF HE DOESN'T KILL US BOTH FIRST!" Remy screamed. "Pyro this is a one way street!"

"So, I'm going one way."

"You're supposed to go the **other** way!"

"Details, details," Pyro said turning onto a different street leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

A few blocks over…

"It's great to be going out with you Scott," Taryn said as they rode in Scott's car.

"Well I needed a break from the Institute," Scott replied.

"I'm sure you and I will have a great time," Taryn leaned against him. "The two of us all alone."

"Yeah," Scott grumbled as he looked in his rearview mirror.

"I don't understand what he sees in her," Jean complained as she rode in a car a good distance behind Scott's.

"Hey, relax Jean," Duncan said as he drove the car. "Forget about Summers."

"I mean why does he let her just drape all over him?" Jean ranted.

"Well maybe she's on to something," Duncan grinned. "You should try that on someone like…oh…me."

"She such a self absorbed little…" Jean went on.

"Scott, why do you keeping looking in the mirror?" Taryn asked as they turned a corner.

"What? Oh, uh just don't want anyone to crash into me from behind," Scott covered.

"Don't worry," Taryn purred. "I'm sure nothing is going to happen."

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT JUMPING THOSE TRUCKS OR SO HELP ME…AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Huh?" Scott and Taryn looked up and saw _something_ coming straight at them very fast.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Scott turned and just missed Pyro's incoming motorcycle by mere inches. He veered off the road and slammed into the back of an overturned cement truck.

"What the…?" Scott felt something seeping into his shirt and saw himself, Taryn and the front of his car covered in cement. "MY CAR!"

"My hair!" Taryn shrieked.

"Did you hear that?" Jean asked as she and Duncan neared the corner. "It sounded like Scott was yelling."

"Who cares?" Duncan scoffed.

"I care," Jean turned toward him. "I can't believe you Duncan. Why does everything have to be about you?"

"Hey, you're the one going on an on about Summers!" Duncan protested facing Jean. "Why don't you…"

"LOOK OUT YOU IDIOT!"

CRASH!

Pyro rode his motorcycle right over the front of Duncan's car, shattered the windshield, rode through the car and out the back.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Jean and Duncan screamed as the car spun out of control.

"I'mgonnadiei'mgonnadiei'mgonnadie!" Duncan whined. The car finally slammed sideways into a lamppost and came to a stop facing up the road.

"Am I dead?" Duncan moaned as he straightened up.

"No you are not," Jean groaned as she tried to stop from shaking.

"Oh no!" Duncan cried. "Baby are you all right? Speak to me!"

"I'm fine Duncan," Jean said.

"Oh my poor, poor baby," Duncan hugged the dashboard of his car. "My one true love!"

"What!" Jean shouted.

HONK! HONK! The two looked ahead and saw a very large trunk heading straight towards them.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Duncan screamed and fainted as the truck tried to turn to avoid them. Jean used her telekinesis and managed to lessen the impact of the truck as it slammed into Duncan's car. However she wasn't able to stop the truck's contents from spilling all over them and the car.

"Yuck!" Jean sputtered as she spat some of the contents out of her mouth. "What is this stuff?" She looked at the side of the truck. "MANURE? I'M COVERED IN MANURE? AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"Man what a rush!" Pyro said swerving between cars. "What did ya think of that, Gambit?"

"I think I'm gonna have a heart attack," Remy moaned.

"Hey watch where I'm riding ya wacko!" Pyro yelled as they just barely missed being hit by a bus.

"My eyes…dry eyes…frozen open…can't close," Remy whimpered.

"Hey I can't read the speed-doohickey," Pyro said. "The needle's broken and just keeps spinning around and around…"

"I should just charge my gloves and lose my hands," Remy muttered to himself. "I can live without hands. Just don't think about it. It's a small price to pay for sanity."

"Hey, I wonder if I can do a wheelie," Pyro thought.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Remy screamed. "NO! PYRO STOP! STO…AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"WAHOOOOO, I DID IT!"

"**PYRO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO POP A WHEELIE ON THE _OTHER_ WHEEL!" **

"Oops! Sorry, I'll go down now!"

"NO! WAIT, I TAKE IT BA…"

BAM!

"Boy this is great!" Pyro cried as he continued to cause mayhem on and off the road.

* * *

Meanwhile Piotr and Sabertooth sped on their bikes trying to find their comrades' trail. Both had radio headsets on under their helmets which were set to the local police frequency since the police would definitely try (and fail horribly) to stop Pyro's motorcycle rampage. The two Acolytes were able to hear the reports of the police chase of Pyro's path and the damage he was causing.

"I got a sighting. He's heading east on…oh man! There's a seven car pileup blocking the road. I have to find a detour."

"Sixteen lampposts on 9th Street have been destroyed and nine of them are on fire!"

"How could a motorcycle leave a dent in a forty ton semi?"

"Hey, he's flying over the bridge on 3rd. And I mean **flying**!"

"He did **what** on the corner of Magnolia and Oak?"

"He's heading east! No, south! No, north! No, no he's…oh forget it, he's crazy!"

"**How** many fire hydrants are broken?"

"Call in backup. I don't care, anyone! The FBI, the army, the paperboys…"

"We've got him now. Close in from all directions. He's trapped. He's…"

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

"No, I know a motorcycle can't just disappear!"

"I swear, he was here one moment, gone the next!"

"Well he must have gone somewhere!"

* * *

In the sewer tunnels…

"How could you fall down a manhole!" Remy yelled. "How is it possible to fit a **motorcycle** down a manhole?"

"Oooooh, tunnels!" Pyro laughed, tearing through the sewers.

"Pyro stop the bike! Watch out! Go left! No, you're other lef…NOT ON THE WALLS! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Loop-de-loops! Ha Ha Ha!"

"I'm gonna be sick!"

"Around and around and around…"

"Stay on the ground! Stay on the ground!"

"Ah, don't you think it's fun?"

"FUN? FUN? We're breaking the sound barrier in a sewer tunnel doing corkscrews and you think it's **fun**?"

"Hey, at least there's no one else here."

* * *

"Well the new shelters have been put up," Lucid said with a sigh.

"Let's hope they stay up for a couple months," Callisto remarked, putting down some tools. She noticed Caliban looking off to the side, focused on something. "What is it?"

"Someone is coming. Two…" Caliban began to say but was then hit by Pyro's motorcycle and sent flying. Immediately the rest of the Morlocks scattered.

"Stop them! Stop…AAAHHHHH!"

"Run!" Lucid screamed. "Run for your lives!"

"I'll stop 'em," Scaleface said and transformed into a giant reptile, only to get thwacked in the head by the motorcycle and knocked into a wall.

"Help meeeeeee!" Remy cried as he and Pyro sped out of sight, leaving the now destroyed area.

"Owww," Scaleface moaned. "My head."

"Hey, I think Façade got run over when he blended into the wall," Cybelle groaned.

"Did anyone see what that was?" Lucid asked weakly. "Ah, great the shelters are completely destroyed."

"Reason why Caliban's life stinks number 76," Caliban moaned from his place on the ground.

"I hate topsiders," Callisto groaned. "I really hate topsiders."

* * *

"Wahoo!" Pyro cried as he and Remy burst from a pipe leading out of the sewers. "Aaahhhh, bright, bright! Can't see!"

"The light," Remy said, dazed and still stuck to the bike. "I've passed through purgatory and now heading toward the light. I must have died."

"Oooo, look Gambit! We're near the ocean!" Pyro chirped.

"Rats," Remy swore. "I knew I wasn't that lucky."

"Hey, get outta the way!" Pyro yelled as he swerved around people heading toward a large seaport.

"Pyro don't go there! Turn around, turn around!" Remy yelped.

"Hey, let's go see what's over there," Pyro sped around the port.

"NOT ON THE DOCK! PYRO GET OFF THE DOCK!" Remy yelled.

"Can't mate, we'd end up in the ocean. Uh oh," Pyro gulped, seeing what was ahead. "Gambit, we're running out of road!

"WELL DO SOMETHING!" Remy cried.

"Hold on!" Pyro turned and sped up the plank leading to a large cruise ship, scattering people right and left.

"**YOU HAVE US ON A _SHIP_? ARE YOU INSANE? WHAT AM I SAYING? OF COURSE YOU'RE INSANE! ONLY AN INSANE PERSON WOULD DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE ON A SHIP!**" Remy ranted as Pyro tore down the length of the ship, destroying chairs, tables, knocking things overboard and causing people to run for their lives.

Meanwhile, walking along the other side of the ship were two familiar figures.

"I'm sure glad I'm going to take this little vacation from school," Principal Kelly sighed wearing a polo shirt and slacks.

"You earned it," his secretary Dorothy said next to him. "Especially dealing with the Brotherhood and Institute kids all the time."

"You said it," Kelly sighed. "Here I don't have to worry about their antics and can relax knowing that everything will be peaceful and qui…"

"LOOK OUT!" someone yelled.

"Huh?" Kelly and Dorothy turned around to see the motorcycle barreling toward them.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" They dived out of the way just in time. Dorothy dove through an open door leading into the ship's interior while Kelly was forced over the railing.

SPLASH!

Kelly floundered in the water. "How do these things happen?" he sputtered. Then a crate full of lobsters landed on his head and burst open. "OW! OW! OW! YEEEOOOWWW! THAT'S HURTS! WHY? OW! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS, OW! HAPPEN TO ME? OW! OW! OW!"

While Pyro was causing chaos on the ship Piotr and Sabertooth had managed to track him and Remy down and had pulled up to the seaport.

"Alright, let us go help them," Piotr said, dismounting from his bike and taking off his helmet.

"You go help. I'm only here to record their actions and watch you make a fool of yourself trying to stop them," Sabertooth brushed off Piotr.

Piotr glared at Sabertooth then they both ran over to the docks where Pyro was still wreaking havoc aboard the ship.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"HELP! THAT MANIAC IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!"

While Sabertooth stood by and filmed what he could see of Pyro's rampage Piotr found a length of metal chain and carried it over to the dock where the ship was anchored. Securing one end and holding the other, Piotr armored up and waited for Pyro and Remy to come back down the dock so he could attach the chain to the bike and hopefully stop it or slow it down. Unfortunately, Pyro did not come back down the dock.

"WAAAHHHHOOOOOOO!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

The motorcycle with Pyro and Remy leapt from the deck of the ship and fell down to the head of the dock.

BAM!

Piotr turned around with the chain ready to throw but the motorcycle had already sped out of range. He unsecured the other end of the chain and ran toward the bike hoping to get another chance.

"Wow that was so cool!" Pyro squealed.

"My heart has stopped! I can't feel my hands! I can't feel my arms! I'm going into shock!" Remy moaned.

"Hey an oil tanker! I bet that would burn really well! Let's go check it out!" Pyro chirped.

"**ABSOLUTELY NOT! TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!" **Remy shouted.

"Awww, you're no fun," Pyro said turning around and (fortunately) away from the oil tanker.

Piotr saw that the motorcycle was coming back toward him. He stopped and looked for a place to secure the chain and just happened to be standing underneath a large electromagnetic crane.

"What?" Piotr found himself and the chain being lifted up into the air.

CRUNCH!

Pyro ran over the cables supplying electricity to the crane, cutting the power to its electromagnet and causing Piotr and the chain to fall.

"Ahhhhh!" Piotr yelled.

WHAM!

Piotr landed on the front of the motorcycle on his back with his legs straddling Pyro, his waist between the handlebars and his upper body arching over the front wheel frame. One end of the chain wrapped around the top of the bike and around the back where it hooked onto itself, securing Piotr to the bike. Piotr was facing forward with his head six inches from the ground which gave him a nice upside-down view of the path the motorcycle was taking.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"Hey, watch it Colossus!" Pyro shouted as he maneuvered his arms around Piotr's legs in order to grip the handlebars of the bike. "You're making it hard to steer!"

"It wouldn't make much of a difference!" Remy yelled as he was jerked around as Pyro tried to control the bike's course.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"You're weighing the front down! I can't steer as well!" Pyro cried as the bike began to swerve in an even more haphazard and random path than before.

"Stupid kid," Sabertooth grinned as he filmed the three Acolytes on the motorcycle. "Told him he'd make a fool of himself."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed as the bike sped around several large stacks of cargo.

"Great," Sabertooth cursed. "Now I can't film 'em." He tried to find the bike by following the yells and screams of his fellow Acolytes.

"Hey there's no reason for that sort of gesture," he heard Pyro yell.

"You nearly ran over five people!" Remy yelled back.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"Stop screaming you're hurting my ears," Pyro said.

"Blood…rushing from my head…rushing to my feet…hopefully I'll pass out!" Remy gasped.

"Where are they?" Sabertooth looked around a stack of cargo and was nearly run over by the motorcycle.

"Hey, watch it firebu…AAARRRGGGHHHHH!" Sabertooth yelled as the free end of the chain hit his leg, wrapped around it and towed him away.

"Alright! The weight's all balanced out again!" Pyro said cheerfully, completely unawares that he was now dragging Sabertooth twenty feet behind the bike.

"OW! OW! OW! YEOWW! FIREBUG WHEN I, OW! GET AHOLD OF YOU! OW! OW! OW!" Sabertooth yelled.

"I love this bike!" Pyro gunned the engine and sped away from the seaport.

"Watch where you're going!" Remy shouted and Pyro weaved between cars.

"I know where I'm going," Pyro said as he sped down the street. "I'm going to the freeway!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy yelled.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"PYRO YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!" Sabertooth shouted.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE!" Pyro cheerfully began to spin the motorcycle around like a top as they got on the freeway.

"My hands! Why don't I sacrifice my hands!" Remy sobbed as he tried to stop from vomiting.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" Sabertooth yelled as he was spun around.

SMASH!

Sabertooth was whipped into a passing car causing it to veer off the road.

SMASH!

He crashed into another car.

WHAM!

Sabertooth was slammed into a semi carrying a huge concrete pipe and knocked out. The semi tipped over and the pipe broke from its supports. It rolled over several cars and came to a stop.

"Hey look," Pyro turned around. "Sabertooth is trying to water-ski. Or is that street-ski? Or road-ski?"

"KEEP YOUR EYES FRONT!" Remy screamed.

"Relax mate, I know where I'm…uh oh," Pyro gulped as the motorcycle headed toward a building.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

CRASH!

The motorcycle went right through the wall of the building and into a hallway.

"Hey we made it!" Pyro cried. "Colossus you make a great battering ram!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"Get us outta here!" Remy yelled.

"Ok," Pyro headed toward another wall.

"NO! NOT THAT WAY!" Remy yelled.

CRASH!

"Boy this is fun!" Pyro laughed maniacally. "Lets do it some more!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy screamed as Pyro aimed for another building.

CRASH!

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

CRASH!

"Will you stop crashing through walls!" Remy yelled.

"Whoa!" Pyro found the motorcycle going up a flight of stairs.

"STAIRS? YOU HAVE US GOING UP STAIRS? ARE YOU CRAZY?" Remy screamed.

"Wahooo!" Pyro yelled as the motorcycle burst through the door on the roof of the building.

"Ohhhhh," Sabertooth moaned as he regained conscious. "Where am I?"

"NO DO NOT TRY TO JUMP TO THE NEXT BUILDING!" Remy yelled.

"Oh no," Sabertooth groaned and tried to get a grip on the roof.

"WHEEEE!" Pyro shouted as the motorcycle jumped from the roof.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth lost his grip on the edge of the roof and went sailing across the gap.

BAM!

The motorcycle hit the roof of the next building. Unfortunately for Sabertooth his gripping the last roof meant he didn't have as much momentum as the motorcycle and so didn't quite make the entire jump.

CRASH!

Sabertooth hit right below the edge of the roof and began to tear it up as he was towed behind the bike.

RUMBLE-RUMBLE-RUMBLE-RUMBLE-RUMBLE!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth yelled.

"Stop jumping on rooftops!" Remy shouted.

"No problem, mate," Pyro said. "There aren't any more rooftops anyways."

"WHAT!" Remy yelled.

"WAHOOOOO!" The motorcycle leapt from the top of the last building with Sabertooth trailing behind. And the last building was a good eight stories high.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Acolytes minus Pyro screamed.

PA-LOOOOOSSSHHHHH!

The motorcycle landed in a small lake and began to actually _skip_ across the surface.

"Hey, a water landing! Now Sabertooth can try to water-ski!" Pyro said.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"To whatever deity is listening, save Remy from his misery and I'll repent for…half of the things I've ever stolen!" Remy prayed.

"Ooo, we're in the park! And there's a nice little path to ride on!" Pyro chirped as the motorcycle left the lake and hit solid ground.

"ALRIGHT, THREE-FOURTHS OF ALL THE THINGS I'VE EVER STOLEN!" Remy cried as people dived out of the way as Pyro poorly attempted to ride down the park's sidewalk.

"Gaarrhhhh!" Sabertooth sputtered as he was swung from side to side destroying benches, trash cans, bushes and small trees.

CRASH!

"You should've moved outta my way you stupid statue!" Pyro cried as he tore through the park causing dirt and grass to fly. "Hey that goes for you too!"

CRASH!

"Whoops, missed that fire hydrant," Pyro said.

"AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

CRACK!

WHOOOOOSSSHHHHH!

"Oh, Sabertooth got it," Pyro said looking back. "Although I don't think he should'a tried catching it between his legs."

CRASH!

"STOP RUNNING INTO STATUES!" Remy yelled.

"But it's sooo fun! Besides it's not like Colossus is getting hurt, right Colossus?" Pyro asked, facing front. "You don't mind, do you?"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"Hey, a skateboarder! I **hate** skateboarders!" Pyro aimed for the unlucky soul and revved the engine.

"Dude this is great!" Even said as he skated in blissful ignorance with earphones in and his CD player playing. "Nothing like sailing thought the park with some tunes and nothing hanging over my head…"

WHAM!

Pyro managed to clip Evan from behind and send him flying head over heels into a nearby pond.

"AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!" Evan screamed.

SPLASH!

"Hahahahahahaha! Yeah!" Pyro laughed maniacally as he sped away.

"Ohhhhh, my back," Evan moaned as he lay in the shallows of the pond. "Great and my CD player is busted too. Dude this stinks." Just then a dozen snapping turtles jumped from the water and attacked him. "OW! OW! OW! YEOW! OW! OW! OW! YEO…**OH MOMMA THAT HURTS!** AAARRRGGGHHHH! NO NOT THERE! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"Yuck, I got all wet from riding on the water," Pyro commented as they left the park and sped down the street.

"Wet! Sweat! If I sweat any more from fear I'll be a dry bag of bones!" Remy groaned.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"Must stop Pyro," Sabertooth whimpered, having slightly recovered from the fire hydrant incident but with it still fresh in his mind. "Must get free…must not get hit there again…ow…"

"Ooooo, lookie! Someone's making a big bonfire! That'll dry us all off!" Pyro sped toward the distant flames with a twinkle in his eyes.

"PYRO THAT'S A BURNING BUILDING YOU MANIAC!" Remy yelled.

"What? But that means evil men in nomex jackets will try to kill the flames! We must rescue them!" Pyro cried and gunned the engine.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy screamed.

Near the burning building…

"Is everyone out of there?" a policeman asked one of the firefighters manning a hose.

"Yeah," the firefighter replied. "Everyone's clear and the blaze in under control. We should be able to prevent it from spreading."

"HEY STOP YOU! THIS IS A POLICE BARRIER! STO…AAAAAHHHHHH!"

"DON'T WORRY MY BEAUTIES! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THE EVIL NOMEXMEN!" Pyro shouted as the motorcycle and Sabertooth crashed through the barriers and shot toward the front door of the building.

"What the heck is that?" The firefighter with the hose gaped at the sight.

"UNLEASH YOUR FURY!" Pyro intensified the blaze using his powers.

"Oh no…" Remy's eyes grew wider as he managed to glimpse the name of the building before it was engulfed in flames: SIDNEY'S FIREWORKS EMPORIUM.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

Explosions rocked the street. Projectiles flew in every direction causing the police and firefighters to dive for their lives out of the way. Several larger rockets struck a few police cars and managed to hit their fuel lines.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Meanwhile the motorcycle was tearing through the building with its occupants given a front row view to the light, fire, and demolition show going on inside.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! YEAH!" Pyro cackled insanely as he intensified the blaze.

"AAARRRGGGHHH! I'M ON FIRE!" Remy shouted as flames licked at his uniform.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed as firecrackers exploded in his face.

"NOOOOOOOO! OW! OW! OW! YEEEEOOOOWWWWW! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!" Sabertooth shrieked as he was hit by half a dozen Roman candles.

CRASH!

The motorcycle smashed through the back wall of the building and hit the street once more, now slightly resembling a fireball.

"Awww, ya gotta love it!" Pyro laughed as the doomed building burned itself to the ground.

"This is it! I've finally cashed in my chips and have passed through the gates of Scheol!" Remy moaned. "Whatever's in store for me here is gonna pale in comparison to what I've just been through!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr screamed.

"No more…please no more…I can't take any more…" Sabertooth wept.

"Uh oh, the fuel thingy is reading close to empty," Pyro said looking at the gauge.

"Halleluiah! My salvation is at hand! Thank you whatever deity has listened to me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Remy cried.

"Well we'll just have to go fill'er up!" Pyro tore through traffic and headed toward a gas station.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy screamed.

**KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!**

* * *

Back in his private office Magneto careful looked over the paper in his hands. "Let's see, five across. Hmmm? Now what's a four-letter word for a crazy person? Insane? No, uh mad? No. Lunatic? No. Wait, I got it…"

CCCRRRAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHH!

The ceiling caved in right on top of Magneto's desk. Magneto barely managed to dive out of the way as the remains of his Acolytes smashed his desk to smithereens.

"Boy that was fun!" Pyro got up amazingly unharmed. "I loved the way the petrol station just went up in flames and then we all went flying right over the city and I could see everything from up there…"

"**PYRO**!" Magneto shouted as he picked himself up. "What have you maniacs been doing? Why did you crash into my office? **How** did you crash into my office? The ceiling was made of solid steel! And the ceiling of the floor above it!"

"Oh Gambit was teaching me how to ride! It was great! Then Colossus and Sabertooth joined us and we went all over the city and…MY BIKE!" Pyro saw the deformed mass that was once his motorcycle and kneeled down to hug it. "My poor, poor bike! Speak to me!"

"Ok, he's gone," Magneto stared as Pyro wept over his bike. "Gambit give me a report. Gambit?"

"Awww?" Remy twitched. His clothes were burned to almost nothing. "Da do no no? Whadda wid oooo? Ga ga eee oh na na?"

"What? Oh, forget it. Sabertooth what happened with…" Magneto blinked at his fiercest henchman.

"No…" Sabertooth whimpered as he lay curled up in a fetal position. What remained of his once blond hair was almost burned beyond recognition. "No more…please no more…I'll be good…"

"Uh, Colossus?" Magento turned to Piotr's prone form.

"Ah…ah…ah…ah…" Piotr's face was frozen in shock, his mouth open in a silent scream.

"Oh my poor bike," Pyro sniffed.

"How could this have happened?" Magneto gasped. "Gambit is reduced to spouting gibberish, Sabertooth is a shell of his former shelf and Colossus is in total shock. All because of Pyro?"

"Farewell my friend," Pyro hugged the remains of his bike and picked himself up. "Well this just means I get another bike, right boss?"

"Pyro," Magneto said slowly. "Are they like this because of you and that motorcycle?"

"Yeah, they must be too excited from our ride to say anything. We had a lot of fun!" Pyro said. "Now about my new bike…"

"No!" Magneto shouted. "You are not getting a new bike! Not after reducing my Acolytes to this!"

"Awww, please! I'll be more careful and take good care of it and everything," Pyro pleaded.

"No!" Magneto roared. "Not only are you **not** getting a new motorcycle you are **never** to ride a motorcycle again! **Ever**!"

"Awww," Pyro pouted. "Hey maybe I could get a car! Something fast with a lot of power like…"

"**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_****_!"_**

******

* * *

****Disclaimer: ****I do not own X-Men: Evolution.**


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